


'Cause Baby There Ain't No Mountain Real Enough

by cloudwatch



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Camping really should be a simple way to prove to that mountains are real... right?, Even when it shouldn't be, M/M, Night Vale makes everything difficult, aka: nothing is really that simple when you're dating someone from Night Vale, right??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-05
Updated: 2013-08-05
Packaged: 2017-12-22 11:36:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/912740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudwatch/pseuds/cloudwatch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carlos really just wanted to prove to Cecil that there was, in fact, more than one mountain, and that all mountains were not made by crazy mountain believers. </p><p>The solution: a camping trip, to a very real mountain.  </p><p>Possible issues and/or problems that could happen: too many to calculate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	'Cause Baby There Ain't No Mountain Real Enough

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes i don't sleep and then... things like this happen. dedicated to one of my best friends, charlie, because she's perfect. and also kim, because she too is one of my best friends, and also perfect. and they put up with my shit, so that's an automatic win.

The day that Carlos decided to that Cecil needed to get out of Night Vale and see the _real_ world came four months into their romantic relationship. Cecil had been laying against Carlos' chest, while looking at the pictures Carlos was showing him of his college years. Carlos had been completely content, running his hands through Cecil's hair and sometimes softly running a few fingers down Cecil's cheek and also over Cecil's hidden third eye on his forehead; when he ran his fingers over the hidden eye, his boyfriend would inhale sharply and squirm closer. Carlos had quickly filed that away for further use, ignoring the soft fluttering from the third eye itself. 

He'd been explaining a picture where he and his three other roommates were standing in only their boxers while dripping wet (their next door neighbors had been rather horrible, often stealing their microwave, and once all of their eggs were stolen as well), and how it had been a prank when Cecil had suddenly sat up a bit. Carlos followed, his eyebrows furrowed. 

“Cecil? What is it?”

Cecil frowned, his tongue sticking out of his mouth a bit as he quickly zoomed in to look at the background of the picture. “Carlos?”

Carlos stared at him. “Yes?”

Cecil pointed his finger towards the background. “What is _that_?”

Carlos leaned forward, pushing his classes up his nose and staring at the picture. “Oh, that's the mountai-” 

“Only one mountain exists, Carlos.” 

“Cecil, more than one mountain exists. I've told you this before. That, behind me in the picture, is a mountain.” 

Cecil sighed, then turned around, folded his legs and sat on them, staring at Carlos with folded arms and a stern look. “Carlos, we've talked about this. Yes, there was that one mountain, but who knows if it was an _actual_ mountain, and not just the result of the giant, human eating ants surfacing from their summer hibernation? Or mountain-believers? And honestly, it looks more like a giant dirt mound now that I look at it. But, nice try, getting me to believe in mountains.” With a small laugh, Cecil pressed a kiss to Carlos' lips and moved to turn around. 

Carlos, however, grabbed his shoulder to keep him there. “It's a mountain, Cecil. And I can prove it to you.” 

Cecil raised an eyebrow. “Can you?”

Carlos leaned up, pressing their noses together. “I'm a scientist, it's my job to prove things. Can you have the Permission for a Vacation Outside of Night Vale forms filled out by tomorrow? As well as your Permission for a Week Off of Work?”

Cecil nodded, pressing forward and forcing Carlos to lean back against the pillows of the bed. “And you're positive that you can prove to me that mountains exist? Because, you're going to look a little silly once you're proved wrong, dear Carlos.” 

Carlos answered by leaning up and kissing his boyfriend, then locking his legs around Cecil's waist and rolling them, so that he was pinning his boyfriend to the bed. Leaning back he sat on Cecil's waist and pressed his hands to Cecil's sides; Cecil squirmed, holding back a laugh. “Very, _very_ positive,” and he leaned down to initiate a very intense tickling session, that quickly turned into a make-out session. He figured that he could plan their camping trip later, tossing his ipad away from them and completely ignoring as it was eaten by the wall; the wall burped and hummed happily.

He'd buy a new ipad later; thankfully all of his pictures were backed up on his laptop. He'd need more of them for later while they were camping. Camping was simple, and something that everyone could do.

What could go wrong?

… 

“ _Carlos_ ,” Cecil was whispering, clutching his arm with both hands as they continued their walk to the hotel that Carlos had booked a room at. “There are _dogs_ in the dog park. Actual _dogs_. Don't their owners know any better? Don't the dogs know any better? What if the hooded figures get to them?”

Carlos pressed a kiss to the top of his head, running his hand over Cecil's hunched shoulders. “Believe it or not, outside of Night Vale, dog parks are actually for dogs, and people can go in it and be totally fine. Also, there's no hooded figures in the dog park.” 

Cecil spluttered out a response that Carlos couldn't make out, and he pressed another kiss to Cecil's head. There was one more thing that Carlos needed to warn Cecil about, though, before they got to their destination. “So, outside of Night Vale,” he began, taking Cecil's hand and squeezing it as Cecil finally tore his eyes away from the innocent dog park. “Hotels aren't run by carnivorous birds that want to sacrifice your soul.” 

Carlos' arm was nearly torn out of its socket as Cecil dug his feet into the ground, and his grip on Carlos' hand tightened. “ _What?_ ” 

Carlos had never seen Cecil's eyes as wide as they were. “Whoa, hey, if this is all too much we can just head back to Night Vale. I probably should have eased you into this, to be honest, but since you'd talked about how you'd traveled Europe, I thought that you'd be used to some normal stuff like hotels and airports,” he finished, thinking back to how Cecil had reacted to the security at the airport. He was pretty sure that the security guard wouldn't be suing them, seeing as he was sure that outside of Night Vale, suing for tossing a rubber duck at the head of security wasn't something that could be held up in court. 

He didn't want to test it, though.

Cecil cocked his head to the side, pure confusion on his face, and Carlos found it completely adorable. “Carlos, everyone knows that to get to Europe you fly on the back of the giant dolphin eating birds that sometimes migrate through Night Vale during the second summer of the year. And in Europe, when you need a place to stay, all you have to do is snap your fingers, scream at the nearest stop sign, and then donate a liter of blood to the local blood drive and they'll give you a portable house that you can keep in your pocket, or there's the hostels, if you can afford it; that's what I did in Svitz, seeing as the portable houses can start to smell quickly if you don't air them out every hour. There's no need for hotels.”

Carlos decided to pull Cecil closer to him rather than question what his boyfriend had just told him. “Well, I just wanted to let you know about the hotels, because I remembered you telling me about the hotels in Night Vale. Would you prefer a hostel?” 

Cecil shook his head. “No, lets do the hotel. I just hope that you're right about there being no birds.” 

…

As it turned out, hotels not run by birds that wanted to sacrifice your soul and eat you were things that Cecil really liked. The fact that there had been mints on the bed had been a big bonus. He'd rolled around on the bed and had loved the pool, seeing as there were no mermaids to try to drown him as he swam. However, he was currently staring intently at the mountain that stood before him. He'd gotten out of the car and had his arms folded, one hand being held up to his chin as he stared at the mountain.

Carlos poked his head out of the rolled down window. “Do you want to get back in the car so we can head up to the camping site? Just staring at it won't prove that it's real.” 

Cecil nodded slowly, then moved back into the car. “Why do we need sleeping bags and a tent? In Night Vale, when one goes camping, you take your semi-no-gravity device, so that you can float off the ground while you sleep.” 

Carlos laughed and stared driving towards the road they would take to their camping destination. “Well, here there's no such thing, so we're using the tent so that we're protected from the weather, and sleeping bags to keep us warm.”

Cecil nodded, and then fell silent as they continued into the canyon. He was staring up at the mountain walls, unblinking, and Carlos could make out his third eye opening as well. He pulled out his spare ipad that he'd purchased before they'd left Night Vale. He tossed it onto Cecil's lap. 

“I put some more pictures of some mountains I've visited on there. Maybe that will be more proof than just camping.” 

The rest of the drive, Cecil was quiet, shifting through pictures and his eyes intense. He was still looking through the pictures as Carlos parked the car at their site and began unloading the gear; he'd let Cecil exist the car once he was ready. The tent was up and one sleeping bag unrolled by the time Cecil finally got out of the car, hesitantly testing the places he'd step with his food a few times before steadily walking towards Carlos. Carlos opened his mouth, but Cecil held out his hand, moving towards the mountain wall. “Hold on, I need to touch it.”

Cecil moved his hand out as he slowly walked towards the rocks in front of him, and Carlos held his breath as his boyfriend finally moved his fingers against the rocks. “Well?” he finally called out after Cecil had touched the rocks a few times. 

Cecil cocked his head to the side. “This is very interesting,” he said, moving back to Carlos. “You've either become someone who is able to create very strong illusions, or this is, in fact, a real mountain. It didn't disintegrate like all of the fake mountains do when I wrote the seal for fake mountain breaking on the rock. I commend you on your ability to create illusions if this is an illusion.”

Carlos nudged Cecil's shoulder with his own. “You know that I can't create illusions, Cecil. This is just a mountain. And it's very beautiful." 

Cecil looked up at the rocks and trees around them. “It is very beautiful, although it still doesn't hold a handle on how perfect you are."

With a soft smile, Carlos leaned over and kissed him. “Let's start a fire and have dinner, okay?” 

Dinner should be a simple enough concept; they were out of Night Vale, and so nothing terrifying should pop up once they started the fire.

Carlos really should have known better.

As it turned out, the marshmallows that Cecil had bought were marshmallows that were not supposed to be roasted over a fire, and neither were the hotdogs. Carlos lay panting on the ground, in a half sitting position, his glasses hanging off of one ear as Cecil took the skewer closest to him and stabbed the giant hotdog, wrenching the skewer out of the mutated hotdog and cutting it in half. The marshmallow had already been destroyed.

“ _Cecil_ , I asked if you had gotten the foods that _didn't_ mutate when held over a fire!”

Cecil tossed the skewer to the ground and then plopped down next to Carlos, laying his head on Carlos' shoulder. “And I did ask for those, but I guess the market was out of the normal hotdogs and marshmallows. But,” he exclaimed happily. “They did prove to me that this mountain is in fact real, because when they bumped into the rocks, the mountain didn't vanish like normal illusions do. If this had been an illusion or fake, it wouldn't have been able to withstand something that big hitting the rocks. So, that's a plus?” 

Carlos just breathed and ran a hand through Cecil's hair. “How about we just head on to bed?”

Thankfully, sleeping in the tent didn't bring anything horrific, and they'd both slept peacefully, Carlos' arms wrapped around Cecil and keeping him close. It was the best sleep he'd ever had while camping. Waking up was a completely different story. 

...

Warm breath hit his face, and he groaned and turned his head to the side. Then a lick moved over his cheek and Carlos knew that even though Cecil was from Night Vale, licking someone to wake them up _was_ illegal as of last week, so he knew that it wasn't Cecil licking him. Whimpering softly, he gripped the sleeping bag and slowly opened his eyes.

His scream, he was pretty sure, would have broken the mountain had the mountain been fake.

Backing away towards the far corner of the tent, Carlos picked up the closest thing next to him (his book that he'd been reading before he fell asleep the previous night) and held it up as a shield. The snow leopard in front of him just growled and took a step closer to him.

What the hell was a snow leopard doing in his tent? There weren't even any snow leopards in America! He quickly rose to a half crouch, book still held up, and was about to throw it at the cat (even though he was sure it wouldn't do anything), when the flap to the tent opened and Cecil poked his head in.

“Oh, I was wondering where you went!”

The snow leopard immediately sat down and growled happily as Cecil stepped in and began running a hand over its head, its tail wagging happily. Carlos lowered his book.

“Huh?!” 

Cecil looked over at him happily. “Carlos, look! I found this little guy trapped between two trees when I was trying to find a suitable place to relieve myself; it must have been caught by a flying whale for food, but must have escaped somehow, and after I'd freed it, it followed me back to the camp site. What do you think of him? I'm going to call him Fluffy.”

Carlos reached over and yanked Cecil close to him; the snow leopard started panting. “Cecil,” he whispered. “Cecil, that's a snow leopard. It's a dangerous animal and -” 

Cecil laughed and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “No it's not, it's actually an animal one would only see if you went to Night Vale. It may look like a snow leopard, but it's actually not. It's a dog. In Night Vale, these dogs are treasured, but in _Desert Bluffs_ ,” Cecil growled, “these poor animals are killed upon sight to be used as decorations for their hideous _walls_.”

Carlos dropped his book. “A... dog.”

Cecil grinned. “Yes. I'm thinking I might adopt him, but this breed of dog requires so much extra work, and I just don't have the time, and neither do you.”

Carlos was pretty sure his brain was broken. _We're not in Night Vale. These things shouldn't be happening to us. We're in the normal world. Normal!_

The snow leopard/dog suddenly froze, its ear standing up straight; a second later, it bolted from their tent. Cecil frowned. “Aw, oh well.” Turning back to Carlos, he ran a hand through Carlos' hair. “Well, do you want to go hiking today? I saw a cave and it looked really interesting!”

Carlos nodded his head, hoping with everything that he had that the rest of their trip wouldn't have any more surprises for them.

 … 

Thankfully, nothing else happened on their camping trip, except for Cecil getting scared of the sudden arrival of bats in the cave that they'd explored. Carlos had even gotten to take a few samples from plants that he would be able to use when he started testing some of the interesting plants in Night Vale.

After camping, they'd headed back to the hotel they'd stayed at when they first arrived in the town, and currently, Carlos was checking his email while Cecil finished changing into his pajamas. Cecil exited the bathroom, yawning as he made his way to their bed; he crawled in and snuggled into Carlos' side. “You managed to prove to me that mountains do exist. I wonder if the Council will get mad at me for sharing some of the excitement of that camping trip...” he wondered out loud. 

“That's a possibility,” Carlos said, checking the last email he'd received. He read over it once, then let out a groan.

“What is it?” Cecil asked, his voice muddled by sleep.

“A reminder about my high school reunion,” Carlos answered, sighing heavily.

Cecil sat up quickly. “Oh, it's a few weeks from now. Are you planning on going?”

“I should,” Carlos said. “even though I don't really want to. I have more important things to do back in Night Vale.”

Cecil leaned over and read the email. “But from what I remember you telling me on our third date, you haven't seen your high school friends since you graduate; you should go see them?”

Carlos turned Cecil's head towards him and absentmindedly stroked his cheek. “You really remember that conversation?”

“I remember every beautiful thing that comes out of your mouth, dear Carlos.”

“You're wonderful,” he said as he pressed a quick kiss to Cecil's mouth. “If I go, do you want to go as my plus one?" 

Cecil's face lit up, and the grin he gave Carlos was blinding, and Carlos was suddenly struck with how much he truly loved this man. “Oh, _Carlos_. I'd love to!”

And as they settled down on the bed, Carlos putting his laptop away and Cecil turning the lamp off, then moving back to curl up next to Carlos' side, Carlos figured that they could make another week of it. Maybe he'd be able to convince Cecil that librarians outside of Night Vale were not violent or evil, and that he could, in fact, go in the dog parks.

And, it would be a good time to have a really romantic date night, where Carlos could tell Cecil that he 

“Thank you for this week, Carlos. I had a lot of fun, and the places outside of Night Vale, while incredibly boring at times, are very nice,” Cecil said softly, leaning up to kiss him. “I love you.”

Grinning against Cecil's lips, Carlos mentally shrugged. _Oh well,_ he thought, mentally scrapping the plan to tell Cecil he loved him the week of his high school reunion. “I love you too,” and then he leaned forward to capture Cecil's lips again, running his tongue over the inside of his boyfriend's lips and then nipping on his tongue softly. His hand travelled down Cecil's side, and Cecil squirmed a bit, doing nothing to help the arousal growing within Carlos' body.

The moment was ruined, however, when a scream from the street reached their ears. Both were out of their bed and over to the window in a heartbeat. Cecil gasped, and Carlos sighed and shook his head. “Look! Fluffy followed us,” Cecil said, waving down at the snow leopard looking-dog sat down, panting happily up at them and ignoring the people running away from it. “Hello, Fluffy.”

With another sigh, but a small smile over at the love of his life, Carlos gestured towards their door. “Well, we better get Fluffy up here, shouldn't we?”

The hotel staff did nothing to stop them from bringing Fluffy up to their hotel room, but Carlos is sure that they wouldn't have even dared to try, seeing as all they knew was that there was a snow leopard following along two men up to their room. Upon entering their room, Fluffy immediately hopped onto the bed, curling up and falling asleep. Carlos and Cecil followed suit. Once settled, Carlos figured that no matter how fucked up his life was now, he would do absolutely nothing to change it.

Except maybe get rid of Desert Bluffs, because seriously, fuck Desert Bluffs.

 

 


End file.
